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Apr
1
Fri
Stephen H. Sulmeyer, J.D., Ph.D. Workshop @ Peggy Gunn Woodland Hall
Apr 1 @ 9:00 am – 4:30 pm

Stephen H. Sulmeyer Workshop
Sponsored by Collaborative Divorce Vancouver Society
Monday, April 1, 2016
VanDusen Gardens
Peggy Gunn Woodland Hall
5241 Oak Street
Vancouver, British Columbia

9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (registration at 8:30 a.m.)

STEPHEN H. SULMEYER, J.D., Ph.D. Perhaps the most bedeviling problem in collaborative cases is what to do when the parties are at loggerheads—particularly when the impasse is laced with anger and reactivity. It might be about division of scarce resources, a disagreement about who should end up with the house, an inability to agree to the terms of a parenting plan or the specifics of support—the variations seem endless. Many of us have spent countless hours in team meetings trying to understand the causes of a given impasse, and to figure out what to do and who should do it. Most of us want to find some easy remedy, some tool or skill we can master that will allow us cut through impasses easily. Yet our experience tells us that, given the complexities of content and of personality styles in the range of cases we see, there is no silver bullet for dealing with impasse.

Although not a silver bullet, this workshop suggests that how we as professionals frame or hold the entire concept of “impasse” has a great deal to do with the “problem” impasses present. I.e., this workshop looks at the ways professionals can unwittingly contribute to impasse by framing it as a problem that has to be fixed, rather than an opportunity that beckons to be explored. By consciously or unconsciously, explicitly or implicitly, viewing an impasse as a “problem,” we subtly communicate a message to the parties that there is something wrong with them and the positions they are taking, the beliefs they are holding, and the feelings they are feeling. The parties may get the message that we as professionals are more interested in the ego-satisfaction of a successful conclusion than we are in sitting with them in the extreme discomfort of not knowing how a resolution of any kind will be reached.

Using a combination of discussion, exercises and role-plays, we will examine the feelings, assumptions and self-judgments that come up for us when we find ourselves in a case that is stalled. We will look at our discomfort and reluctance to sit with not-knowing, with helplessness, and with the attacks of our own inner critics in the face of our inability to quickly solve problems as they arise. We will explore alternative ways of framing and understanding impasse and of being with the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts just mentioned, which require us to sit in the fire of our discomfort without getting
burned. We will discover that, by tolerating not-knowing and by seeing through the games our own minds play on us, we can penetrate the wall of separation we have placed between ourselves and the parties. And, finally, we will experience some of the ways in which sitting undefendedly with our clients in the vulnerability of their fear and pain can lead to our deciphering the hidden meaning of the impasse at hand, which in turn can lead to new options and new possibilities for resolution.

stephen-bio

Click to download the PDF registration form.

May
27
Fri
Sue Goldswain and John Boland Workshop @ Peggy Gunn Woodland Hall
May 27 @ 9:00 am – 4:30 pm

Sue Goldswain and John Boland Workshop
Sponsored by Collaborative Divorce Vancouver Society
Friday, May 27, 2016
VanDusen Gardens
Peggy Gunn Woodland Hall
5241 Oak Street
Vancouver, British Columbia

9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (registration at 8:30 a.m.)
From Infatuation to Divorce: Understanding Stages and Unconscious Patterns in Relationships 

Ever wonder how the couple in your Collaborative meetings went from romantic love to so much conflict? During this workshop we will explore the predictable stages of relationship from infatuation to irreconcilable conflict and divorce. Using Imago Relationship Theory we will begin to make sense of this transition and illustrate the unconscious patterns at play that not only our clients go through but also ourselves. By normalizing both infatuation and relationship conflict we will bring clarity to the unconscious patterns all of us go through in long-term relationships. As professionals, by consciously understanding these patterns, we can develop more empathy for all of our clients and gain insights into our own reactions and projections. This workshop was presented at the IACP Forum in Vancouver last year.  In this workshop, participants will:

  • Gain insight into the stages of relationship and how these stages impact themselves and their clients
  • Begin to understand Imago Relationship Theory, and how to shift unconscious relationship interactions to more intentional interactions
  • Recognize that long-term relationship conflict has components that are rooted in the couple’s childhood experiences
  • Briefly examine their own relationship histories and hopefully gain new awareness into their relationship patterns
  • Have more empathy and understanding for the struggles of both their clients and their clients’ ex-partners
  • Come to understand the typical dynamics of couples, including how they often have similar yearnings but opposite defensive patterns
  • Be challenged to recognize that long term intimate relationships are where we have an opportunity to finally grow up and behave in more mature loving ways.

BIOS
John Boland has been a psychotherapist for over 35 years, who now specializies in relationship therapy and divorce coaching. Dr. Sue Goldswain is a registered psychologist who has been an individual and couples therapist for 30 years.

Both Sue and John are advanced clinicians in Imago Relationship Therapy, fully accredited with Imago International, and certified Imago Workshop Presenters. As a married couple they are committed to helping others explore their relationships patterns for increased connection and commitment, as well as using Imago theory and practice in their own partnership to deal with their inevitable challenges.

Click to download the PDF registration form.

May
11
Thu
Integrative Mediation Training
May 11 – May 12 all-day

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE VANCOUVER SOCIETY ANNOUNCES

Integrative Mediation Training – Basic through Advanced Level Training

STEPHEN H. SULMEYER, J.D., Ph.D.Facilitated by Stephen Sulmeyer, Lawyer & Psychologist (www.sulmeyermediation.com/about)
Integrative Mediation (IM) is an innovative, structured co-mediation model combining the skills and expertise of a lawyer and mental health professional (and where appropriate a financial expert) to address disputes in a sensitive and holistic manner. By addressing all facets of a dispute—emotional, legal and financial—IM helps parties cut through posturing and positioning and reach optimal solutions that help bring healing and psychological closure as well as legal finality.

Join us for a two-day training on Thursday, May 11 and Friday, May 12, 2017 to learn and practice this model from the initial client contact to the final resolution of the case, using realistic scenarios tailored to the needs of the training participants. Thursday will be a basic, nuts-and-bolts training, geared towards those who have not yet done an IM case. Friday will be an intermediate and advanced training, geared toward those who have taken a basic IM training (including the one on the preceding Friday) and/or have had experience practising the IM model.

Reasons to train in Integrative Mediation:

  • Learn how to work effectively with allied professionals in a seamless and integrated manner that delivers amazing results.
  • Learn how to cut through impasse and bring meaningful resolution, healing and closure to your clients by getting to the heart of any dispute.
  • Improve your dispute resolution skills in all kinds of cases you practice, whether IM, solo mediation, or Collaborative Practice.
  • Adapt your already existing skills to a new, carefully structured paradigm that is streamlined, intimate and cost effective.

For more information please contact: [email protected]

Download: Click to download the PDF registration form